05.16.08

A chicken in every pot

Posted in at 12:50 by RjZ

That’s what politicians used to promise in the old days. They’ve gotten a bit more extravagant nowadays. Check John McCain’s latest commercial here. If you’ve got time, read the speech, then come back and see my version.

My fellow Americans, I want you to know what the United States, and the world, will look like after I am president for four years. I know that I’ll have to work with those lazy bums in congress to really make all this happen, but I am pretty sure I can make it happen. Here’s how things will look:

The world’s super powers, terrorists, and developing nations each finally conclude: ‘yeah, we really can just get along.’ World Peace. Hooray!

Thanks to my policies, we befriended aliens who’d been watching out planet for decades. They have traded in their anal probes and are sharing advanced technology to solve our energy problems. Hooray!

With all the money we’re saving by not fighting any new wars (remember, World Peace), public school teachers are finally paid enough to attract and keep the finest educators. Smarter kids are developing new flying cars that emit zero greenhouse gases. Hooray.

FHM magazine’s sexiest woman of 2008 realized I am irresistible and started flirting with me on my blog. All the attention was embarrassing so I had to block her.

Yup, my fellow Americans, that’s the way it’s gonnal be in four years after I am elected president. Clearly, my vision for America is much better than that McCain fellow, so, vote for me, won’t you?

I figure if a world of wishful thinking will work for McCain, then it ought to work for me. And, if you’re reading this, Ms. Fox, don’t worry, I won’t block your comments.

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